Daylight Darkness and the Smell of Rain

Its 9am and its dark outside - overcast and grey, the smell of rain pervades the air.. but it hasn't rained again yet.

The breeze blows gently, bringing clear sounds from far away.

I love this weather, these days, though they are rare and often confronting.

If I open the window and let it confront me ~ my body shivers and tingles and sighs in release. These are the times of beauty, forgiveness, love, pain, aching, yearning.

(Shh, don't spoil it ~ but these are the days that 'he' never got out of bed. The days that you would never come across him when going out to the kitchen or to play with your sisters in the lounge room. These were the safe days. Safe to spend huddled near my bedroom window - feeling the breeze on my face ~ safe to dream that sometime, somewhere ~ maybe this didn't have to be life.)

Safe to dream dreams, and create a beautiful castle her tiny head ~ somewhere to hide where it was beautiful.

And that, my friends, is why our castle is always in rain, light rain, like a scottish countryside. The day house has sun, light, and fluffy clouds in the blue sky ~ because the littles are happier there, and so are many others.

But the castle remains ~ isolated, majestic in its infinite creation. The castle holds the secrets and the pain and the memories. In the day house ~ we can get by. In the castle, we can hide.

So the rain is poignant and painful and beautiful and brings hopes and dreams...



(Ironic that here we are in a life without that abuse and suffering and yet ~ now it is so ingrained, was so damaging, that life came to revolve around it anyway...Life is cruel. That tiny child did not deserve what happened to her.)

xxoo