Not So Great Today

Yesterday was not okay. Its early today, but its not looking good.
The Sara stuff was a bit triggering for us, but we were dealing with it. Worst luck...
not 2hours later and J'W's come randomly knocking on the door. WHY did we answer it? I still don't know.

Thus spiralled a pitiful afternoon of rapid switching, much arguing, angry alters, sad alters, suicidal alters and of course the self-harm. I feel too much emotion today, from too many people.

So I am going to just put up some pictures instead. May you keep safe.

For the Tainted Reality we See:


For the Desire to Shed the Evil:


For The Pain all Encompassing:


For the Way we Have to Live on:

For the escape that We dream of:

Profile: Sara

Warning: Content may trigger. Please use caution if you find some topics in association with religion to be a trigger.

Today's post is going to be about Sara.

Not that I want it to be ~ but that's the way things are in this head, sometimes you get the choice, sometimes you don't. So suck it up.

Sara is ... devoted, indoctrinated, fanaticated (not a real word).

Sara is a person who is around the age of late teen ie 19ish. She has always been around that age - from about as far as I can access which is about body age 12. Thus many comments from teachers, church members etc, 'you are so mature for your age', 'so serious', 'a real depth of understanding and interest' 'much more studious than most in your age group'. Etc.

Sara is deeply religious. In fact, life is religion to her, religion is life. She is and will remain a staunch Jehovah's Witness. (She is not currently a dominant or even in the main sphere of front-line persons, "offline", as Heidi calls it. She describes it as being like a Friend on your msn messenger - you can see their name and profile, but they aren't avaliable to interact with)

Anyways.... She, when as the front-person, spends the majority of her time in Bible Study, whether personal (on her own) or at their meetings, or out door-knocking or any other type of religious thing. In her spare time she cross-stitches - usually lovely flower scenes, or quaint cottages. Her work is very beautiful. I couldn't handle the patience or dull-ness of it all, personally. Anyway..

She is a very black and white person. No fence-sitting. For the crime of the body (having been abused) which she sees as her own personal sin and failing (What the?!) anyways... For the crime of the body she believes that her blood must be offered as a sacrifice ~ poured out upon the ground. After she has fulfilled her religious duty to learn and teach and convert. Please note that I don't actually know all that much about J'W's ~ however I don't think that they ascribe to any of that particularly ~ its just her bizarre interpretation.

Her devotion, faith and belief are all very strong. She is a very strong person and has a high pain threshold and has managed through some incredible situations. I guess there is good and bad in every one. But she also carries a great weight of 'sin' for the things that were done to the body. She miscarried at one point when married and blames herself ~ she feels unworthy to have the blessing of a child when she is so rotten and filthy and unpure inside.

Anyway enough of this. Its making alot of people upset and I am starting to shake.. That's it for Sara.