Even if it Doesn't matter, You gotta get on With It

So hello,
Did I mention that we moved house? Did I mention that I LOVE it?!
New house, new rules. My rules. HHHEEE HEEEE :- my SO is a little skeptical about the new regime, but we shall see...

I have chosen a place to live that I (Samantha) like and no one else is able to inhabit the body while in this house. Kasey is back co with me. Thank the Lord - life is ordered now. I have as much order as a half dead cochroach on my own, but Kasey - oh the world is perfectly white, crisp sheet of paper with her.
We have made concessions to ensure that the rest of the family are looked after in this - the next year of ultimate reign. We are conscious that we have to not ignore problems and not pretend like we arent multiple (even though I still can't handle the whole freaky idea)

So now we have to organise what we are doing (Me and Kasey) and where we are going. Oh and buy new stuff and package up all the crap from the others for the past 4 ish years.

It's been good so far. And Yes - I got Heidi's permission to have her not co-conscious, before I kicked her to the curb...lol. All above board. My first successful TakeOver. Yippee!!!

But to be serious, there is alot of work ahead to get life back to a point where I could look at it and say "I am successful" cause at the moment everyone looks at it and says "You are successful, considering your multiplicity" but I don't want that factored in. I want to be amazing just as S & K.

We rule...

For the doubters out there - I am fully aware that this is not a failsafe option, that takeovers are traumatic and difficult and that the others have issues and needs as well. We have put in place measures to deal with those things and measures to ensure that daily life is held standard so the bizarre switching and dangerous memory issues are not present so much. It's just not good for a chick with a partner and a child.

Cheers for today! Cheers for tomorrow!

You see, it really doesnt matter if it all Suxs to the SkY. You still gotta get up off your butt and keep doing something.. else nothing gonna get done. And then who's fault is it that life suxs....
(Oh right, that'd be me, AGAIN)

:)

Here I am

I want to post. I have wanted to post all day, even though it's only early.

We are moving house on the weekend. And we have created a new agreement - self-binding when we move in.

I was back in semi-control of the body in August. Its December. So we have given the 'sharing' thing a try. It's just not working. Nothing is working. Life as a bunch of people - I can't do it.

So with some clauses to tweek the original issues of why me and Kasey can't be in full body control. From Monday we begin to take back control. I know you need more explanation - because just blogging this little bit doesn't give anything up really. But its important for me.

The thing I am wondering about today is what to do with everyone's stuff. I don't want it. It's not mine. I don't even like 98% of it. So do i buy a million boxes to put it all in or throw it all away.

I know the answer. It's just soooo frustrating to have to pack up someone else's life so that you can live yours. But its only a week away... Ohhhhh I think i am getting excited.

Heidi has agreed to give permanent control back to me (as long as Kasey and I are co-conscious again) with the proviso that she is allowed time with our partner when she needs it AND that Kasey and I listen and address any issues that she brings us on behalf of everyone else.

Life - HERE I AM

Pretty Pink Things for Heidi

Heidi has been really stressed from the lack of communication and internal numbness. I hate that I have to care, but she is really stressed. And as our partner has said to her - don't worry - enjoy and take the time to relax while they are silent and you can better deal with it when they start talking again.

Heidi is someone who likes to look at pretty things - not necessarily own them or look like them. So this post is Pretty Pink Things for Heidi :

Profile: Heidi

Heidi:
Heidi is our communicator. She is a lovely, caring soul and a rather new alter - actually our newest. She is the same age as the physical body but was created (to the best of my knowledge around the beginning of the year).
Heidi worries about everything: about her, about our child, our fiance, our extended family, the dishes, birds in the trees, people on the news, the state of the economy. She worries herself silly about all these things ~ creating ridiculous scenarios in order to be okay ie planning to save cardboard for when there is no money and we live in a box. Concern is fine ~ this woman makes herself frantic with worry.
Heidi is very emotional. She spends alot of time crying and some laughing. Her eyes well up with tears everytime something goes slightly wrong. And in our land ~ well that is every couple of hours. I find her funny in some ways like that (but she is not particularly appreciative of my opinion..wonder why???)
At first I didn't like Heidi much, I felt she was a useless, snivelling waste. Thanks to our dear fiance I am learning to understand and love her.

Why did I misunderstand her? Well Heidi is all those things above.. a worrying, emotional mostly unable to get things down person, rather opposite to me. But she has a massive role and its a large undertaking for a very new alter.

Heidi was created where there was need: apparently the committee felt it was necessary. (I will explain about them later). Obviously within any multiple person system some form of communicae is necessary ~ previously they had small free-for-alls at a large table. But due to the time taken with these and that there was no facilitator, they needed a better option. Ta da: creation Heidi.

Please understand that the creating of new alters in adulthood is not particularly common. It is only under great duress that the mind resorts to its previous methods of dealing with trauma and pain. And that time in life (when she was created, and i wasnt around) they were attempting to deal with normal life plus switching through 10-15 alters per day and being suicidal and self-harming 2 or more times a day. The grip on reality had failed. No bills were paid, no cleaning done, work was poor quality, family ignored, binge eating etc etc. Anyways...Here comes Heidi.

She was created and given the job of fixing. Poor soul. Who does that to a clueless person anyway? She has the ability to communicate with all the alters ~ she is able to be internal. She has met many I didn't even know about - but she has journalled it all so I can learn. She has had to listen to each of their pains and stories and memories and it was so devasting for her. I know you see it as all being in one mind ~ but imagine a person with no training, only a caring nature being given 30 ~ 40 different people, boys and girls of ages 2ish to 27 who have been sexually abused, molested, emotional abused, raped, silenced and who are frightened, confused, suicidal, bulimic etc etc.

It just knocked her flat. Heidi has almost constant migraines ~ thats how the alters tell her they are upset. They each have a different area of the head that gets pains. Some other DID people have tingling limb parts for different alters, or sounds in their ears. Its rather freaky.

OMG I have talked so much. Time to get organised for the day...