I was reading another blog the other day, and I felt so sad for this person and what they are going through. I thought to myself..OMG how could I live through that? How could I cope with that? What would it be like to have those memories, thoughts, issues, reminders every day? I thought to myself..thank God my life is nothing like that and How on earth can I help?!
But then as I was thinking those things comes a torrent of angry thoughts and feelings from other alters... "we have gone through stuff, we have handled things, we have experienced that which no person should ever experience" "Our situation is different but we have issues too..."
And its true. I know "we" do. Except most of them, I don't have to live with everyday. See the beauty and curse of DID is that you can't remember because it didnt happen to you. Sometimes it makes life a tinsy bit easier - since for me, I dont have to freak out all the time.
Its other alters - when they are out on their own or with me that are hypersensitive, get migraines, shake constantly, throw up and gag alot, bite their fingers, self-harm etc. But not me.
And then there is the Major down sides. Being DID means that most of my life is blocked out. If someone rings to catch up and says "Remember the time when...." well guess what? I don't. It wasnt me. Now i can quickly check through the files, and ask whoever is around if they have any details - but whatever information or pictures are given to me are borrowed. Its like talking about a movie you've seen. You never really experienced it yourself.
I have had a whole life that I wasn't present for. And that is a fantastic thing and a terrible thing all at once.
But then as I was thinking those things comes a torrent of angry thoughts and feelings from other alters... "we have gone through stuff, we have handled things, we have experienced that which no person should ever experience" "Our situation is different but we have issues too..."
And its true. I know "we" do. Except most of them, I don't have to live with everyday. See the beauty and curse of DID is that you can't remember because it didnt happen to you. Sometimes it makes life a tinsy bit easier - since for me, I dont have to freak out all the time.
Its other alters - when they are out on their own or with me that are hypersensitive, get migraines, shake constantly, throw up and gag alot, bite their fingers, self-harm etc. But not me.
And then there is the Major down sides. Being DID means that most of my life is blocked out. If someone rings to catch up and says "Remember the time when...." well guess what? I don't. It wasnt me. Now i can quickly check through the files, and ask whoever is around if they have any details - but whatever information or pictures are given to me are borrowed. Its like talking about a movie you've seen. You never really experienced it yourself.
I have had a whole life that I wasn't present for. And that is a fantastic thing and a terrible thing all at once.
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